I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
