The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
