Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
