I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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