I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
