Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
