Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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