I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
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We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
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I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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