i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
