I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
