So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
