i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
