Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
