Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
