I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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