jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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