I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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