Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
