Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
