anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
