Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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