Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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