I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
