She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
