bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
