Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
its liver damage thursday
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
