he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
