1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
