Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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