She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
