A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
