Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Randomize
