im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
