i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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