i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
