we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
