HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
