with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
