proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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