does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
