her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
