On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
