I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize