At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
