Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
