Say something about gay babies.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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