Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
