Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
