I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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