I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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