who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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