Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
