oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
