Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
