well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
