are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
