just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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