I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
