My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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