Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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