Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
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She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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