Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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