I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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