So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
