Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
