I want to stick my p in your. b.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
