and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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