On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
