I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
