Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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