I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
