watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
