How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
