It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
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got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
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That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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