so explain again why im purple
no
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
